Tuesday, May 23, 2006


The World is the Totality of Chuck Norris Facts

For the uninitiated, go here.

1. Chuck Norris knows what it is like to be a bat

2. Chuck Norris grabs logic by the throat

3. Chuck Norris knows everything except fear

4. Chuck Norris is independent of ZFC

5. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks refute the skeptic thus

6. Chuck Norris' Godel number is 1

7. Chuck Norris secretly reads Brian Leiter

8. Chuck Norris can make zombies feel pain

9. Chuck Norris convinced the Tortoise of 'q'

10. God cannot create a stone so heavy that Chuck Norris cannot lift it


Hahaha... awesome.

--Chuck Norris can affirm the consequent.

--Chuck Norris always takes both boxes; he has never received less than $1,001,000.

--"Chuck Norris" can designate however the hell it wants to: No one tells "Chuck Norris" what to do!
Chuck Norris will dominate you in all possible worlds.
(Great work, my fave is #8.)

-- An addendum to #1. "But there is nothing it is like to be Chuck Norris."

-- Chuck Norris can intuit noumena ... with his fists!

-- No need for complex maxim-testing: Chuck Norris is a law of nature.

-- Chuck Norris can call the evening star whatever he damn well pleases and still refer.

-- On this Earth or any other, when Chuck Norris says "twater," he means it.

-- Even if Chuck Norris were just a bunch of atoms "arranged Chuck-Norris-wise," he could still kick the atoms arranged "your-ass-wise." Try to eliminate that, sucka!
--Chuck Norris doesn't deconstruct texts, he deconstruct people who write texts. And those who don't.

--Turing Test is unusable to Chuck Norris - he kills first and then asks.

--Chuck Norris understands Hegel.

--In Plato's time Chuck Norris visited Greece. While he was there Greeks had to satisfy with young boys.
-Chuck Norris solved the Gettier Problem...by punching Gettier in the face...thus creating a new problem for Gettier.

-Chuck Norris is a dualist...if by dualism you mean the dualism of his awesome duel pecs.
Haha! Great Stuff!

--Chuck Norris is the categorical imperative.

--Chuck Norris sunk the ship of Theseus with a roundhouse kick.

--The state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short because of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris is properly basic.
--Chuck Norris doesn't exist in possible worlds, possible worlds exist in Chuck Norris.

--In fact, there is only one possible world, the world that Chuck Norris makes possible.

-- <>C ---> N<>C. In other words, Chuck Norris' modal status is always necessary.

--Once, during an intense debate, Chuck Norris caught Saul Kripke in a vicious circle...a vicious circle of roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris can perceive the thing in itself.

There will be a sea battle tomorrow. The victor will be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris maximizes utility. Especially your girlfriend's.

Chuck Norris is the solution to the Halting Problem. If he commands it to halt, any arbitrary Turing machine will comply out of fear.

It is widely believed that the Stoics regarded the deterministic workings of the universe as the will of Zeus. This is false. Actually, they regarded them as the will of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.
Meaning was 'in the head' until 1960 when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it out 'into the world.'
Chuck Norris saved the drowning child -- and his shoes were just fine.
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